Cat Gut and Dandruff

We all remember Judy Garland skipping down the Yellow Brick Road where she met the Cowardly Lion, searching for courage, the Tin Man looking for a heart, and the Scarecrow, who wanted a brain. 

These poor needy creatures bear a remarkable resemblance to the last 20 years' worth of GOP candidates for public office.

If one didn't have a firm grip on reality, one could feel that the U.S.A. was taking on some intoxicatingly familiar aspects of the make-believe kingdom of  Oz during this last election cycle. 

There are long lists of understudies for those three starring parts, but the part of the Wizard may have attracted the most aspirants and, possibly, the raunchiest.

To whom do we assign that part?  Rove? Limbaugh? Hannity? Beck? Cheney? Trump?  

And who gets the job of prompter? Ailes? Coulter? Drudge? Murdoch, himself? 

Press agent? Newtie swung into action in fine fettle, a little late but in predictably full throat. Sununu would be a good bet, too. He seems born to sleazy promotion.

The money guys are easy. Adelson and the Kochs led the big parade. Hard to call them "angels" considering the source of their wealth, but cash, no matter the source, does grease all the squeaky wheels.

Probably the easiest parts to cast were those of the Munchkins. The Tea Party gave it their all and were able to supply hundreds of the little - the VERY little - people.

And the whole production was in service of ?

A candidate who not only did not appear to have a heart, a brain or very much courage, but instead seemed to be comprised mostly of a very big sense of entitlement that was and is held together by nothing more than cat gut and dandruff.

Let's hope the not-so-grand old party spends the next few years looking for a new vehicle in which to launch a come-back.

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Sex A-peel

Watching the debate last night and viewing the commentary ensuing from it this morning, I had one of those "aha!" moments that suddenly clear the fog, open your eyes, see behind the curtain, clarify and reveal a truth that may have been around since the beginning of time, but only reaches the shores of your consciousness by dint of someone hammering it home.

That is this: Sex - meaning appeal and attraction and desire - is a player in every damned thing that human beings do. And maybe even more prominently in elections. (Look how just one letter separates it from a word synonymous with sex). Surely proof enough!

One of the funnies making the rounds this morning is a photo of Bill Clinton with an expression that could be described as "devilish" as he thinks he'd like to know more about Romney's "binder of women."

Our Bill has already established that he is an alpha male. And it's this that surely got him elected, hated, loved, scorned, resurrected, loved (still) and now, revered.

President Obama is not so randy as our Bill, but he is unquestionably a take-charge guy who doesn't ask permission. His charms are a little less blatant and more translatable to likeable.

Both these males have a great sense of humor and an ability to reach out and touch people. Very appealing. Very attracting.

Now, look at poor Mitt. He is a fakir and he has a prissy walk. 

To the non-discerning, he appears manly in that he has taken his father's millions and, through what his wife calls "stinginess" and through a lot of fancy tap dancing....(allowed because he used his father's sex appeal)....he has achieved a stature that would never have come to him had he begun life as most of us do....in obscurity.

The phoniness of his walk and talk became so evident last night just by watching his expressions and the look of defeat in his eyes every time one of his rehearsed moments was stifled by the real alpha dog.

The story of Romney dressing up as a highway patrolman when he was a young man and stopping motorists to instill superiority is  irrefutable and sickly evidence of his need to look like a man, but his absolute impotence in achieving it without props.

Americans are not fond of impotence, and I am sure it is not in  Mitty's stars to have a Viagra moment.

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Little Things Mean a Lot

Has anyone noticed that Romney and Ryan have bloodless lips that seem to signify all the passion of  lemons, the souls of snakes and the hearts of artichokes?

Look closely at those tight, compressed lines across the bottom of both their faces after every lie or exaggeration. The mouths must be telling us something above and  beyond the words that come out of them.

Do you think this an unfair observation? Well, it could be - if it were not part and parcel of a bigger package.

Leslie Savan in The Nation  (http://www.thenation.com/blog/169232/what-mitt-romneys-body-language-trying-tell-us) gave us an interesting portrait of Mitt by using his body language to tell us things he probably would prefer we not  know:

"...[d]uring a photo op in Israel earlier this week, as the presumptive Republican nominee for president of the United States stood next to the relaxed and voluble Benjamin Netanyahu like an animatronic prop".

"...[c]heck out Mitt’s arms: they’re held stiffly at his sides, hands below the belt; no gestures for him and no self-assertion at all. Maybe the problem was that, even though Romney was trying to talk “tough” about Iran, his body knew that simply parroting whatever Bibi (and Sheldon Adelson) want him to say is anything but tough. So his body tried to shout, “Weak!” Just look at the symbolism of the old chums’ relative body language: Bibi grabs the mic, Bibi grabs Mitt’s hand for the shake; Romney, meanwhile, is all deference and obedient schoolboy, and about as commanding as one." 

A scary assessment of a potential leader of the free world.

And even Dan Ackroyd noticed his "funny walk," suggesting he might be wearing a girdle.

Are we being unfair? I don't think so.


Think of the lives that might have been saved if, before we allowed the Supremes to choose Bush the Lesser, we had noted the swagger, the beady little eyes and the fact that he dropped everything he touched.

Even animals understand body language. We ignore these revelations at our peril.

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"I'm Not a Witch"

I know the literati have long since read it or dismissed it and moved on, but I am just now reading Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point. 

His thesis is a fairly fascinating  reminder that it is a marvel of modern life how extraneous and serendipitous  events separate people (and products, apparently) who are  fortunate because of birth, geography and circumstance from those who are unfortunate for the very same reasons.

Having just begun reading, I don't know if he visits our prehistoric roots to conjecture if success in simple  survival is the result of the occurrence of these same kinds of conditions. Whether or not he does, I've concluded life, even in these munificent times, really is a crap shoot.

I'm not breaking new ground here. I just felt moved to share my reactions to Ann Romney's last night's plea for recognition that she  is one of us. She and Mitt know what it is to worry about prices at the pump, escalating food costs, having enough to make the mortgage payment.

She seems to be channeling Christine O'Donnell:  "I'm not a rich bitch....I'm you." 

Granted, she is very glamorous looking and sounding. I understand she's had medical problems. I am sure Mitt is a wonderful  husband. She's raised five boys, all of whom haven't had much of a challenge beyond reproducing more well-to-do little Romneys with good hair.

The Romney phenomena make me think of Lucky Pierre.

Pierre was up to his ears in naked women. The Romneys are up to their ears in naked money. 

I don't envy anything they have (well, maybe the car elevator), but I do resent the aggressive attempt at mimicry. You are not me, Ann; nor are you anyone I have ever known well. Don't condescend; take a page (albeit a rather pedestrian one) from your husband.

"I yam what I yam....and that's all what I yam."

And likely that's all you will ever be, if the powers that be have any sense of fairness.

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Promise Her Anything...But Give her Zilch

Is Mitt Romney truly sending his wife out on a mission reminiscent of Noah's commissioning of a dove?

Turn her loose and she will find fertile female ground he can set sail to?

I don't think 2012 women will fast forget the anti-female health agenda he embarked on when he promised to get rid of Planned Parenthood and eponymous "Obama Care" just because his wife assures us he's a good man and will champion all of womanhood...... once he unseats that dreadful, awful, do-nothing, wasteful President Obama.

I understand that, like many women, Ann Romney has some medical problems that are reported to be serious.

However:

Ann has never had to do without anything that was available to help her.

Ann has never had to worry that if she were to take advantage of these agents of help, her family might go hungry.

Ann has never had to do anything she didn't want to do or was forced by need to do.

Ann has had access to every luxury, convenience and necessity ever invented.

I am sure she is a lovely person. But, her understanding of women who never have had, nor ever will have, these same benefits, must, by dint of her easy, unquestioning access to them, be limited, or skewed, or non-existent. 

While I don't begrudge her anything, I don't want her to be a beacon or a barometer for women's aspirations or needs that her husband intends her to be.

When politicians begin their mewling about how the lame-stream media want to poison our minds and ignore their pristine family values and ethics and good works and, instead, spread lies just to make them look bad,  I am filled with skepticism born of experience.

You remember:  "Fool me once....can't get  fooled again."

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Thoroughly Modern Meggie

John McCain's little girl, Meghan, has assumed the mantle of a moderate modern maiden whose claim to fame appears not to be  her father, but her "refreshingly" candid views of the political scene.

Sure, I love it when a Gopper sounds reasonable. Witness: Joe Scarborough taking on the right wing - and then cashing in on the approbation of the left wing for being so "fair-minded."

Machiavelli would approve your baby step, Joe.

Heaven knows the left and right are at a standoff at the OK corral of collegiality. And the hell of it is that conservatives have become so entrenched in their extreme positions that they cannot ameliorate them without appearing to decamp from what they consider their right to be right in their righteousness.

It is, therefore, always encouraging when someone on the right admits that all is not coming up roses in republican-land.

The following remarks are from Meghan McCain, who has apparently recovered from her boo boo on the Alex Wagner show where she misspoke, using "emoticon" for "modicum" during her on-air punditry. She writes in the Daily Beast that she finds little hope for her fellow Goppers:

"(1)   Santorum, who is a lunatic, right-wing fringe candidate that is hanging on to his candidacy for no other reason than, once this election cycle is over, he knows no one will ever listen to him again. I half expect Santorum to start throwing a tantrum on stage after he loses yet another primary and scream: “If I’m not going to be the nominee, no one is!”

(2)    Then, there is Newt Gingrich, the over-blown relic of the 90s, with so much baggage and anger that he really should move to a country where he can be dictator."

Good going, Meggie! I couldn't have nailed it better.

You could believe that maybe here is one infant conservative who'll grow up to be an fully functioning, contributing and reasonable member of society.

Until we come to this: 

"(3)    Finally, there’s my boy Mitt—whom, yes, I support and no matter what, will vote for  him.....but as his wife says, he has to unzip"

No matter what?

No matter than he plans to defund Planned Parenthood? No matter that he has embraced every side of every issue - sometimes within the same week? No matter that he has proved to be unpatriotic....sending his money offshore to avoid taxes? No matter that he has no character? You think all he has to do is unzip? Unzip what? His head?  His mouth? His trousers? 

Where does he keep his ethics?

Come on, Meghan; put your brain in gear before you put your mouth in motion. If you are going to try for believability, you gotta go whole hog.

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