Saturday, February 19, 2011

A Case for Planned Parenthood

If you have seen the film, Idiocracy, you can believe that this is an example of the path we are on:

I probably would have noticed her even if she hadn't beaten me to the checkout counter.

A woman of indeterminate age with doughy thighs that extruded from very tight, very brief green shorts over which a bright yellow spandex top revealed several indentations - any one of which might have once been a waistline.

Her head was a mass of pink rollers that held dark-rooted orange hair in tortured captivity.

Oblivious of me and my sweating container of milk and carton of eggs, she removed everything from her cart except a sticky, runny-nosed toddler.

She divided her purchases into two piles. One contained four six-packs of Budweiser, six plastic containers of orange drink and two cartons of Marlboros.

The other pile looked like a heist from an abbatoir. Four plastic-encased packages of loin lampchops, several sirloin steaks, some kind of enormous roast and at least six packages of hot dogs, along with a corresponding number of hot dog rolls. The only vegetables I saw were frozen french fries.

Opening a wallet with a pink poodle on it, she peeled off some 20s from a wad of cash. These she placed on top of the beer. Next she dug into her pocketbook and pulled  out an envelope containing food stamps. These went on top of the steaks.

Meanwhile, three boys - about five, six and seven - were playing Maim the Senior Citizen with the shopping carts. After one scored a direct hit on an elderly couple, she yelled, "Cut it out, Jimmy, or I'll crack ya'." Jimmy looked up to see if she meant it. When his obviously practiced eye determined that she did not, he hastily retrieved the cart and backed up for another run.

I encountered them again in the parking lot. The boys were climbing into an old rust-ridden, motor-running Cadillac. Already in the car were a bored-looking man, two pre-pubescent, gum-chewing girls and a shrieking infant. While the woman hefted the groceries into the trunk, one of the boys complained that she hadn't bought Kool Aid.

Admittedly, I was fascinated by this whole display and instead of driving off, I followed them as they left the parking lot. On their bumper were pasted stickers that proclaimed them as Pro Life, Pro NRA and 2008 supporters of John McCain and Sarah Palin.

What has scrambled their brains? If their candidates of choice had been elected, would they be eating so well?

Am I a snob? Probably. But I don't really care if you are slothful, slovenly, unthinking, uncultured, unread and reproduce your kind by the dozen ....JUST DON'T VOTE!

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